Scientists: Earth Endangered By New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.



“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information. And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive. As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said.

While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information enroute from the auditory nerve to the brain.

“The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.

While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future.

“Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said.

Comments

  1. Uhm... First of all if yl talking about knowledge, then you talking about space, if yall talking about the mind, then yall talking about another man's reality. (State of mind)
    This "strain" seems to be like a "Starseed" that situation the way I've read and concluded

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  2. Knowledge is power. The knowledge of your lies, and indoctrination, gives us even more power. We will now gladly resist your programming unto death. Your threats to starve us to death does not phase us. "To be absent from our bodies, is to be present with our Lord."

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    Replies
    1. Oh, I think you're absent a few things alright.

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    2. ooooh we have one right here!!

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  3. Is that what you are calling people who do not fall for your lies now? Please.

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  4. I love this article. Thank you for the compliment. People who are thinking for themselves no longer need your lies and fear porn.

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    1. You do know that this is a satirical site and article right? Ha

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    2. Oh my, I got nabbed, lol. There's always a little truth in satire ;)

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  5. Here's the funniest part of all this. This is the globe image where the United States is larger than all the other globe images.

    Pushing more propaghanda with a fake ass image. Nothing new under the sun.

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    1. Plus there is no link to a scientific study. This is not a report, a study, or any such nonsense.

      This is PROPAGHANDA.

      If the science community wants to be recognized for science, then post some.

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    2. Forced perspective. Try it by drawing something on a beach ball or similar, then taking photos from different distances.

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  6. while this is satire...it's a scarily accurate description of today's far left progressives/socialists

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    Replies
    1. The far ANYTHING (left or right wing) qualifies for this.

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    2. Boys don't send facts his way, you'll only scare him more.

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    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    4. Peter D...what's the matter? Did I hurt your little feelings beta boy? If you understood the English language, you'd know that "scarily accurate" was not in reference to anyone being 'afraid' of lefty loons, but to the description of the lunatic left that's so 'scarily accurate' it's uncanny.

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  7. Straight-up plagiarized from Andy Borowitz. That's pretty scammy.
    https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/scientists-earth-endangered-by-new-strain-of-fact-resistant-humans

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  8. This satire article is sooo funny. What’s even funnier is all of you dumb asses who took it serious and made yourselves look like what the article was implying. Bwahahahahahahahahaha

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  9. Thanks for the article; I needed a good laugh - some people just don’t _have_ a satire bone. Coincidentally, 93.5% of this subset also lacks a funny bone of any kind. Odd, that.

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  10. Wow. Some people really don't get satire apparently. I wonder what the disconnect is? Thanks for the laugh, I needed that.

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    1. Do not underestimate human stupidity and evil! In the Soviet Union people died who didn't accept Lysenkoism. Obama suggested that those who are climate deniers should be prosecuted.

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  11. Not new. It's commonly known as RELIGION!

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  12. This just in.... Barack Hussein Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton have mated in order to spawn a new reptilian race. Video at 11:00. Viewer discretion advised.

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  13. America has a literacy problem. THis is particularly problematic in science. America is science illiterate. This is in part due to religion and rabid religious zealotry and extremism. There is no excuse for this level of ignorance in the 21st century but we are being drug into the the abyss. We live in a culture of religious zealotry and gun fanaticism and there may be no return to normalcy as long as the nation is under their control with an illiterate, uninformed leader who addresses the nation with a 5th grade lexicon.

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  14. It's all those alternative facts conspiring against us.

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  15. The amount of “fact-resistant” humans responding to this in offense is really telling.

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  16. It may be a new strain, but it has been around for a long time---probably since Neanderthal times at least. I think the entire affliction began in those days when primitive humans saw godly powers at work everywhere. Belief and faith in other-worldly things competed mightily with ongoing intellectual development. Now, many thousands of years later, those tendencies toward irrational belief-faith are more centralized (one god, albeit many faiths) and are weakening at a faster pace, but the True Believer reaction among remnants of those primitive minds grows more intense. This usually happens when animalistic sorts are trapped in a corner. We certainly see it now in the behavior of Trump and what was once the grand old Republican Party (now the Party of Reaction, aka the Party of the Walking Dead).

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  17. This is a really good read for me, Must admit that you are one of the best bloggers I ever saw. You can also check typicalstudent here for more information !!! Thanks for posting this informative article.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Much like you, this blogger is a scammer. He plagiarizes for views, you comment for views.

      Delete

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